My Apologies for the Poop....

Part of becoming an adult is accepting responsibility for your actions and not making excuses for them. With that fond advice from my roommate, I would like to take the time to apologize for my actions this weekend.

I can give you all the long and drawn out explanation that led up to what I did on Saturday, but to cut things short, I got really trashed and with a total lack of judgment, I decided to take some Acid that was offered to me.

Bad move. For someone like me, with a plethora of emotional issues and a history of drug abuse, it simply was a disrespectful choice to make against the entire community at Playa.

Indeed, I was the one who pooped at Whiskey and Whores. I am not one to do recreational drugs, so I don’t know if I was given too much or just some ‘bad stuff’, but it resulted in a complete disillusion of reality.

Honestly, I didn’t know where I was. I couldn’t recognize my surroundings, and the hallucinations I was having made me terrified to even move. Every so often, the hallucinations would fade, but for the most part, I didn’t know what was going on, and well, I pooped on the ground. The next morning, I had no recollection of what I did the night prior and I didn’t even remember that this happened until I saw the thread here on tribe. I am still trying to piece together the puzzle of Saturday night.

I know that there isn’t anything that I can say to give the time back to those who had to stop what they were doing to help me. I don’t even think there are enough words to Google (including all of its languages) that will express my apologies.

I can tell you this however…. Believe it or not, I am glad that it happened, because honestly, I needed a wake-up call, and this was it. I learned a lot about myself this weekend. Sometimes I am 24 going on 40….lately I have been 24 going on 17. The decisions I have been making haven’t been of my best character. I realize now that I have a problem that I need to deal with.

First thing I did at work today was to go fishing around for counselors. I found one and I am meeting with him tomorrow. Second thing I did at work today was sending an email to Hotsauce thanking him for cleaning up my mess and apologizing the best way that I could. Lastly, I have been sitting around the house trying to find a way to word this email without sounding like a lunatic.

I can understand if many of you are disgusted with me. After all, what I did was disgusting, incredibly selfish, and I wholeheartedly deserve the flaming that has ensued (no pun intended). I don’t think however, that anyone can say anything that will make me feel worse than I have already made myself feel. So should you feel the need to bash me, go right ahead.

Please understand that this is an incredibly hard time for me. I am trying to shake it off, maybe even laugh it off. (Which is kind of hard considering the fact that I thought I was going to die while hallucinating on that crap.)

My friend did tell me this about Playa though. She said that you can’t just make up a name for yourself on the Playa. It has to be given to you. So in the spirit of trying to laugh things off, I am accepting Poopie Related suggestions for a Playa name.

I never really surf on Tribe because my job blocks about every social networking site on the planet. (Judging by my actions Saturday, you would never believe that I am actually a software engineer huh?). Once I get my pictures uploaded, I will get my profile going.

I guess the last thing that I have to say is, well, please don’t judge who I am based on what happened on Saturday. Like most people, I indeed use a toilet and enjoy wearing clothing.

Oh…and one last thing….Drugs are Bad! Mmmmmm’kay?